Dumped
One evening in March we sat on the sofa in my livingroom and made plans for a vacation together in June. We ate popcorn and watched the musical Cats on video. The next day he told me our relationship was over.
"What?! Why?"
"I just can't do this anymore."
"Last night we made vacation plans, you kissed me goodnight and told me you loved me and today you can't do it anymore? What are you talking about?"
"I don't love you anymore."
"So overnight you suddenly don't love me?"
"I lied last night. I haven't loved you since January."
"Since January?!!! You've lied to me for three months?"
At the time, this conversation just broadsided me. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I had been engaged to this man for 8 months. We had discussed where we wanted to live, changing jobs, wedding locations, all types of things and I didn't have a clue. Not a clue.
I still cringe when I think of how emotionally distraught I became. I felt consumed by dark clouds of despair. I couldn't eat, I couldn't stop thinking about being lied to for three months. There were days that I couldn't function; when I called in sick to work so I could stay home and cry. I called the man and begged, begged for an explanation. I had to understand why. I felt like a foundation had been knocked out from under me. I was 40-something years old and had been married and divorced twice, but this dissolution of a relationship made me feel as though I were a teenager having my heart broken for the first time.
Much later, I found out that this man had met another woman in January. I still don't know why it took three months for him to dump me. Why such a complex and drawn out betrayal took place I will probably never know. Cowardice and weakness had to be part of the equation. Eventually I was able to identify fault lines in our relationship that led to the earthquake of emotional turmoil that I found myself in. And I healed.
There isn't always a satisfactory explanation for human behavior. Lasting relationships involve huge amounts of work. I don't know any other way to put it. You have to be committed to each other and to the relationship. Positive changes grew from my experience and for that I am thankful. A new job, new friends, a stronger sense of self-worth, the support and love of old friends.....
One evening in March we sat on the sofa in my livingroom and made plans for a vacation together in June. We ate popcorn and watched the musical Cats on video. The next day he told me our relationship was over.
"What?! Why?"
"I just can't do this anymore."
"Last night we made vacation plans, you kissed me goodnight and told me you loved me and today you can't do it anymore? What are you talking about?"
"I don't love you anymore."
"So overnight you suddenly don't love me?"
"I lied last night. I haven't loved you since January."
"Since January?!!! You've lied to me for three months?"
At the time, this conversation just broadsided me. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I had been engaged to this man for 8 months. We had discussed where we wanted to live, changing jobs, wedding locations, all types of things and I didn't have a clue. Not a clue.
I still cringe when I think of how emotionally distraught I became. I felt consumed by dark clouds of despair. I couldn't eat, I couldn't stop thinking about being lied to for three months. There were days that I couldn't function; when I called in sick to work so I could stay home and cry. I called the man and begged, begged for an explanation. I had to understand why. I felt like a foundation had been knocked out from under me. I was 40-something years old and had been married and divorced twice, but this dissolution of a relationship made me feel as though I were a teenager having my heart broken for the first time.
Much later, I found out that this man had met another woman in January. I still don't know why it took three months for him to dump me. Why such a complex and drawn out betrayal took place I will probably never know. Cowardice and weakness had to be part of the equation. Eventually I was able to identify fault lines in our relationship that led to the earthquake of emotional turmoil that I found myself in. And I healed.
There isn't always a satisfactory explanation for human behavior. Lasting relationships involve huge amounts of work. I don't know any other way to put it. You have to be committed to each other and to the relationship. Positive changes grew from my experience and for that I am thankful. A new job, new friends, a stronger sense of self-worth, the support and love of old friends.....
Genesis
whatever seed
you planted
has grown,
flowered,
withered.
someone will pull up
the dead stalk.
someone else will
replant the seed.
posted by SongBird at 11:24 PM
3 Comments:
The best relationship I ever had was with my ego. I wake up and it reminds me that I'm great. I look in the mirror, and the compliments come pouring out. Last year we went to France together. Just me and the ego. Told the wife to stay at home. Her and ego don't get along. Plus, she keeps saying that ego takes the covers off of her at night and puts them on me. I say, ego's not mean to you, ego's protective of me. I love you ego.... Ego never says it back.
I still find it hard to believe you invested so much in him - and I know there is an underlying reason. I wonder - would you ever do it again?
You are SO MUCH better off - thank goodness he met that woman, or you might have ended up tied to his sorry ass forever! (Yes, there is a God!)
Wow, that was a sad story. I'm so sorry he hurt you.
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